“But Right Now”…and Dating

Hello,

One of my biggest pet peeves now is one of Baltimore city’s many popular sayings that people commonly are caught and love to say to each other.  “But right now…” this saying is being used by women and men all over the town.  My top advice is stop using it! I believe people are using it to avoid some confrontation of some sort. Stop being afraid of hurting someone’s feelings and be truthful to one another! The truth helps everyone in the end.

Annoying Sayings

People can use the annoying saying like this, “I want a relationship, but right now, my money is low, I don’t have a car, and I am so busy.” A lot of people don’t see what’s wrong with this statement. It’s definitely something wrong there. It’s leading to the person who’s listening to it to believe not today but another day.

Or when people use it like this, “I want a serious relationship, but right now, I’m not over my ex, I’m sorry.”  Though this is a statement that could be truthful, it’s still annoying. I’m a little guilty of using this line but I’ve grown out of using it.  People who use the saying “but right now” ultimately use it to hurt someone’s heart or well-being because this saying is meant to be the protector of hurting someone but is doing the opposite and causing serious damage and/or heart breaks.  I can’t stand seeing someone deal with a situation because of a hunch or something that could be. What’s wrong with being straight forward?

The “but right now” statement opens a wide door of hunches and assumptions of things that might happen but isn’t guaranteed. Instead, what a person should be doing is meaning what they say and doing as they say.  If a person isn’t over their ex and still wants to talk to other people, why not say “I like you, but I’m just getting out of a relationship and think that we should just date at the moment and not rush anything.” The “but right now” statement complicates situations and would only lead to someone waiting to approach a person for an answer at a later date.

And that brings me to another topic “dating”…

Dating

In my opinion, dating has come to a situation where there are two people who have feelings for each other that are just waiting to for their love to explode. It should be a feeling both men and women should share but to me, men are using the “explosion” to their advantage.

Dating isn’t when a woman stays in the house and man only uses her for having sex.  Dating isn’t just “chilling” or “hanging” in the house while the man simply thinks about sex. And more commonly for men now days, dating isn’t claiming IN YOUR MIND that someone is yours and then getting upset when the woman you THINK is yours is talking to someone else. Dating is simply seeing what’s out there.  It’s when you’re talking and seeing more than one person, and it’s just dating, sex isn’t involved until later, when you are both in agreement to the terms of a relationship. While dating, you aren’t staying at each other houses until you both agree to be exclusive. Obviously there needs to be a line drawn for this generation and I just drew the line.

Many people today are crossing lines and over lapping the terms of a relationship and dating.  Dating involves going out to a venue, somewhere such as movies, or dinner, somewhere for getting to know the person.  Relationships involves sex (some of the time), titles (claiming each other-boyfriend or girlfriend), staying at each other houses and/or spending time at each other houses. Men need to stop trying out women like they’re a piece of clothing and seeing if you can overlap the rules.  Women need to stop letting this happen to them and create some standards to keep. If he doesn’t want to follow them, then he isn’t the one you should to be dealing with.  After a date, you need to go home, not to the bedroom.  Sometime in dating you do go to the other person house to meet the family, but it’s for a few hours, and again you should be getting to the exclusive stage to do that. Follow the guidelines.

Dating someone is not the same as being in a relationship.  Think about when some of these guys say, “Oh no, that’s not my girl” while the girl is saying “That’s my boyfriend, I love him.”  First off the roles aren’t defined in their relationship with each other. More than likely, he sees women as only for dating and has already overlap some of the dating and relationship rules with any woman he’s seeing while they’re seeing it as a relationship. Please listen to me. Breaking someone’s heart for popularity and for jokes is not funny. Trust me; it will come back to around.  So please keep that in mind! Draw some lines.

Peace and Love,

Vonni

Have you checked out my last advice column? Read But My Friend Told Me So on Doc’s Castle Media.

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