Relating to Relationships 1: When You’re Meant To Be Married…

Are you pondering the same question that I’ve been questioning myself since the beginning of last year? At this point of our lives, we should have all taken the moment to analyze our current relationships. I mean, we aren’t getting any younger. I’m turning 23 soon!  If we’re seeking to be married sometime in our future, shouldn’t we be more serious about how we choose our partners?

Love

I’ve thought of all my relationships throughout my life and I really wonder where I’m headed. Am I the only one who thinks that I’ve never progressed to a love life worth taking to marriage? I don’t want to seem like I’m worried about the wrong things. But I’ve been analyzing my relationships so much lately that it’s gotten to the point that I choose to not think about it after certain periods of the day. I’m looking forward to starting a career, a life, and a family soon. But with the dudes I’ve been dealing with my entire life, I’ve never met anyone I felt is worthy of husband title. I’ve even found myself questioning is there a such thing as true love anymore with this country’s divorce rate being ridiculously high? Is true love even real?

True Love

I’m certain I’m not the only person feeling this way because there are many people in the same boat as me, especially on these social media sites we so often post on. We’re all trying to figure out what’s the perfect love. We’re all hoping to find the perfect companion who’ll whisk us away to our future. If you’re not looking for that, you’re fooling yourself because everyone wants to feel loved.

I wanted to write a blog dedicated to addressing the question, “Am I meant to be married?” On Seth Adam Smith’s personal blog-site, he recently addressed that question. He talked of when he questioned marrying his wife. Seth expressed at one point of his engagement to his wife he felt unsure if he was meant to be married because he was unsure if she was right for him. When he asked his father about his feelings towards the subject, his father immediately told him he was being selfish about how he chooses to marry someone.

In Seth’s article, we’re told that when searching to marry someone, you’re not choosing to marry for yourself. You’re choosing to marry for the person you’re marrying, other people around you, and people who’ll be in your future. Seth, in his article, makes it seem like love and marriage isn’t meant for you at all. Though it sounds pretty crazy for someone to say love isn’t meant for you and it’s for who you want to marry, I agree with the guy. But I don’t like it and I’m going to say why I cannot understand how this plays out this way in the real world, though it will always be this way.

  • I’m simply selfish.
    I really don’t understand how to know if someone’s for me because I’m selfish just like Seth. There are times when I don’t want to sacrifice. I haven’t found a person to sacrifice for. Is sacrifice a two way streak? Are we suppose to both sacrifice for each other, or will it work like if I truly love someone, I won’t be looking for favors? I’m the type that searches for equality. If my partner isn’t offering the same as me, why are we even talking? See, I’m selfish.
  • Love is already hard to define.
    How do you know what true love is when you love so many people differently? The love you have for your mother, best friend, and boyfriend are all so different. Do I based the love from my boyfriend as love similar to my best friend? I know my best friend would jump in front of a bullet for me. She’d literally risk her life for me. Would I use instances like that as a basis for understanding true love from my soulmate?
  • So is Seth’s dad saying that anyone who’s cool with my family and friends is who I ultimately could be happy with?
    That’s some bs! I’ve met people that have long term relationships with others and their family can’t stand who they’re with. So marrying someone for the sack of your family is absurd. There’s no selfishness in that at all! You’ve basically given your marriage away if you base your marriage on that.
  • What about that fire bond you have for someone?
    Do we just ignore that type of love? Does it exist? Does it not? I mean it has to exist for those people who stay married for years. Did that feeling develop over time or was it there from the start? I guess that feeling is something that helps people choose when to not to be selfish.

You must be selfless to truly love someone.

I did not come across all these statements alone but with the help of others while questioning them about how they viewed love. As I asked people if they believe they must be selfless in order to love someone, I found that those who answered yes understood how love operates. Those very few people also had long lasting relationships at some point in their lives. I’m not saying that people who don’t believe in the statement, don’t have lasting relationships. I’m actually asking if it doesn’t, how do you stay committed to someone so long if you don’t believe it?

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Love absolutely requires sacrifice for someone else but that sacrifice is for your soulmate, no one else is included in that except GOD. So the only thing I’m not agreeing with in Seth’s article is what his dad states about it being for his surrounding family. Marriage is not for the people around me. It’s for my husband, myself, and God. If God blesses me with someone special, I’ll know because he’ll put God first. That’s how you’ll know if you’re meant for marriage. If someone puts God first, they’ll care about their future, people around them, and whoever they’re going to marry. You’re really marrying for God because with him, you experience love. He gives you the experience of selflessness and that’s what’s needed for sacrifice. Sacrifice is what’s needed for an outstanding love. So to put it in simpler terms, when you seek God, knowing if your meant for marriage will eventually reveal itself. In my case, I’m still building on that. I’m still selfish. But I’m halfway there if I can sit here and write this for you to read. If you understand, you’re almost there too.

Seek God and it’ll come! Would you agree? Leave your comments below.

To read my last opinion essay, see What I Really Learned While In College on Doc’s Castle Media.

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