Guest Post: Why love is hard to find?

Love is one of the hardest things to find because we constantly are looking for people to fit our criteria of a perfect man or a perfect woman. If we see nobody fits what we want, we lose hope and believe that love isn’t worth it. Believe it or not, sometimes you are hindering yourself from finding love because you are trying to find someone that doesn’t exist. So I’ve listed a few reasons why love is hard to find.

image

Six reasons why you probably can’t find love:

You are constantly judging everybody that looks your way

He doesn’t make enough money. Her forehead is too big. I heard that she slept with everybody around the block. He’s teeth are crooked.  Because we are people, we automatically judge people before we even get the chance to talk to them.  This makes finding love hard because we have this belief that a person won’t fit our criteria of “the perfect person,” and we automatically exclude them out.  It’s okay to judge a person, but constantly judging them and not even giving them a chance. That’s pretty harsh.

You are kind of selfish

Sometimes it’s okay to be selfish. We need to be selfish in order to get what we want. But if you’re looking for love or a relationship, being selfish is not an option. In a relationship, it’s very important that we give a percentage of ourselves to another. If you can’t give that, maybe now isn’t the time you should be in a relationship.

You don’t have time

You’re busy with work, school, getting your life together; you might not have time to find someone to be in a relationship with. It’s might be better if you stay single because relationships can be stressful.

You are always complaining that you will never find a man or woman that will love you

Please shut up and get over yourself for a minute. There are seven billion people in the world, you just happen to look in the same spots for that same type of girl/boy that has hurt your feelings multiple times. So either stop complaining, try to find someone different or stay single for a while and evaluate why you might be making these choices.

You don’t know how to keep your hands to yourself

Hmm…Playa, Playa.  As a player, you don’t want love. You don’t even want to be monogamous, with just one person. You’re just down for the physical stuff. Majority of young adults and people in their twenties think like this. They believe love is not really a priority right now and fooling is the only thing they want.

You are a firm believer of the phrase “love don’t live here anymore”

Love has left the building and you believe love will never come back, or it’s not worth it anymore. Many people go through this and are afraid to love again. This is perfect time to reevaluate your life, and focus on you. Focusing on you helps you know what’s missing in your life and it can also help you believe in love again.

Why do you thing love is hard to find? Drop some comments below telling us why?

Advertisements

What’s Love Got To Do With It

I recently watched the movie What’s Love Got To Do With It starring Angela Bassett, and I never realize how accurate the film was until I took the time out to analyze how real situations in people’s love lives over power their decision-making process. Have you ever come across someone who’s accepting of so much distress from one person only to find out it’s because they “love” this individual entirely too much?

ike and tina

People choose to stick with the wrong people a little too often.

When the bad outweighs the good in someones relationship, it becomes hard for me to comprehend why someone would stick around with another person for long periods of their life. If the heartache outweighs the happiness, what kind of repayment are you receiving after investing your time to this one person? I don’t get it.

In What’s Love Got To Do With It, Tina Turner was caught up in some warp spell with Ike Turner. No matter how shitty he treated her, she stuck around because she loved him. This man yelled at her over simple issues, beat her when he felt she was disrespectful, he basically treated her like she was his pet, in a way. This guy even raped her. What the hell was keeping her around?!

It’s sad the reality of a situation like Ike and Tina’s. So many others go through it everyday because of the fear of having to start over with someone new. I say screw that! That’s not a reason to refuse to leave a bad place in your life. What’s love got to do with it if you’re getting disrespected everyday dealing with this “love.” To me, it’s not love at all. It’s simply fear and confusion. The fear of stepping out on someone they’re obviously confused about.

domestic violence

Are you aware of what’s right and wrong in your relationship?

Communication is key in every relationship so why not address what the correct things are for the both of you in your relationship. Who likes what? Who believes getting beat is what happens in a relationship? From day one,a person’s wants and needs should be hashed out in a mature conversation with their significant other. Maybe not the first date, but while both parties are getting to know what they like. They’ll truly be spending their time getting to know someone they should care about.

Later when the both parties have spent so much time getting to know each other, they’ll be put in a better position to be happy with each other. If a person is unable to communicate their concerns, they won’t comprehend this most important step. Assumptions rule that person’s ability to make rational choices. Sometimes that’s what makes me believe influences someone’s decision to put their hands on another person, through their assumptions and inability to solve problems. Simple communication can fix that.

fear

Know when their time is up!

When is the correct time to know you’re tired? Some people miss the point where they should say, “Look, I’m tired of this happening to me.” Should a person wait until they’re in the hospital while their health is not too great, should they wait until your spirits are sucked from within and they see it’s impossible to move on to something better for themselves. That cannot be me at all.

I’m sorry if I’m coming off a bit passionate about this subject. It’s just when I’m watching TV, why do I have to be reminded of the dumb things I’ve seen at some point in my life. I’ve known people who I’ve seen first hand go through what my generation may call the “Ike Turner.” Ha-ha! It’s no reason to glorify it.

When someone’s time is up, they’ll feel it in their soul and know enough is enough. It’s when that person will finally grab their dignity and say no! They’ve finally gained respect for themselves. They finally love themselves.

Move The F*%# On

So someone’s hand is slapping you across your face. Are you going to hit them back, let it happen with no consequences, or walk away with your dignity in tact. Uhh, I suggest a person to walk away because they’d look really retarded standing there getting hit, giving the permission to another person to continually put their hands on them like the person is above them.

There are billions of people on this earth. Forget that one crummy person who can’t respect someone they claim to love. We don’t bring down others self-esteem over here! We uplift them and this post is meant to uplift another. Rise up from what you’re comfortable in being involved in and change your life around.

Can you name a circumstance where you knew someone was in a bad predicament, like domestic abuse? Share them in the comments below.

Read Petition to Comb Blue Ivy’s Hair on Doc’s Castle Media

 

Relating to Relationships 1: When You’re Meant To Be Married…

Are you pondering the same question that I’ve been questioning myself since the beginning of last year? At this point of our lives, we should have all taken the moment to analyze our current relationships. I mean, we aren’t getting any younger. I’m turning 23 soon!  If we’re seeking to be married sometime in our future, shouldn’t we be more serious about how we choose our partners?

Love

I’ve thought of all my relationships throughout my life and I really wonder where I’m headed. Am I the only one who thinks that I’ve never progressed to a love life worth taking to marriage? I don’t want to seem like I’m worried about the wrong things. But I’ve been analyzing my relationships so much lately that it’s gotten to the point that I choose to not think about it after certain periods of the day. I’m looking forward to starting a career, a life, and a family soon. But with the dudes I’ve been dealing with my entire life, I’ve never met anyone I felt is worthy of husband title. I’ve even found myself questioning is there a such thing as true love anymore with this country’s divorce rate being ridiculously high? Is true love even real?

True Love

I’m certain I’m not the only person feeling this way because there are many people in the same boat as me, especially on these social media sites we so often post on. We’re all trying to figure out what’s the perfect love. We’re all hoping to find the perfect companion who’ll whisk us away to our future. If you’re not looking for that, you’re fooling yourself because everyone wants to feel loved.

I wanted to write a blog dedicated to addressing the question, “Am I meant to be married?” On Seth Adam Smith’s personal blog-site, he recently addressed that question. He talked of when he questioned marrying his wife. Seth expressed at one point of his engagement to his wife he felt unsure if he was meant to be married because he was unsure if she was right for him. When he asked his father about his feelings towards the subject, his father immediately told him he was being selfish about how he chooses to marry someone.

In Seth’s article, we’re told that when searching to marry someone, you’re not choosing to marry for yourself. You’re choosing to marry for the person you’re marrying, other people around you, and people who’ll be in your future. Seth, in his article, makes it seem like love and marriage isn’t meant for you at all. Though it sounds pretty crazy for someone to say love isn’t meant for you and it’s for who you want to marry, I agree with the guy. But I don’t like it and I’m going to say why I cannot understand how this plays out this way in the real world, though it will always be this way.

  • I’m simply selfish.
    I really don’t understand how to know if someone’s for me because I’m selfish just like Seth. There are times when I don’t want to sacrifice. I haven’t found a person to sacrifice for. Is sacrifice a two way streak? Are we suppose to both sacrifice for each other, or will it work like if I truly love someone, I won’t be looking for favors? I’m the type that searches for equality. If my partner isn’t offering the same as me, why are we even talking? See, I’m selfish.
  • Love is already hard to define.
    How do you know what true love is when you love so many people differently? The love you have for your mother, best friend, and boyfriend are all so different. Do I based the love from my boyfriend as love similar to my best friend? I know my best friend would jump in front of a bullet for me. She’d literally risk her life for me. Would I use instances like that as a basis for understanding true love from my soulmate?
  • So is Seth’s dad saying that anyone who’s cool with my family and friends is who I ultimately could be happy with?
    That’s some bs! I’ve met people that have long term relationships with others and their family can’t stand who they’re with. So marrying someone for the sack of your family is absurd. There’s no selfishness in that at all! You’ve basically given your marriage away if you base your marriage on that.
  • What about that fire bond you have for someone?
    Do we just ignore that type of love? Does it exist? Does it not? I mean it has to exist for those people who stay married for years. Did that feeling develop over time or was it there from the start? I guess that feeling is something that helps people choose when to not to be selfish.

You must be selfless to truly love someone.

I did not come across all these statements alone but with the help of others while questioning them about how they viewed love. As I asked people if they believe they must be selfless in order to love someone, I found that those who answered yes understood how love operates. Those very few people also had long lasting relationships at some point in their lives. I’m not saying that people who don’t believe in the statement, don’t have lasting relationships. I’m actually asking if it doesn’t, how do you stay committed to someone so long if you don’t believe it?

20140214-091358.jpg

Love absolutely requires sacrifice for someone else but that sacrifice is for your soulmate, no one else is included in that except GOD. So the only thing I’m not agreeing with in Seth’s article is what his dad states about it being for his surrounding family. Marriage is not for the people around me. It’s for my husband, myself, and God. If God blesses me with someone special, I’ll know because he’ll put God first. That’s how you’ll know if you’re meant for marriage. If someone puts God first, they’ll care about their future, people around them, and whoever they’re going to marry. You’re really marrying for God because with him, you experience love. He gives you the experience of selflessness and that’s what’s needed for sacrifice. Sacrifice is what’s needed for an outstanding love. So to put it in simpler terms, when you seek God, knowing if your meant for marriage will eventually reveal itself. In my case, I’m still building on that. I’m still selfish. But I’m halfway there if I can sit here and write this for you to read. If you understand, you’re almost there too.

Seek God and it’ll come! Would you agree? Leave your comments below.

To read my last opinion essay, see What I Really Learned While In College on Doc’s Castle Media.

Relating to Relationships

If you follow me on Twitter or Liked the Doc’s Castle Media Facebook page, you’d know that I’ll be writing a 6 month series of blogs addressing commonly asked relationship questions. Yay!

In December, I asked my followers what they believed were the most frequently asked questions that people had about intimate relationships. I received quite a response. Love seems a little tricky and many of you guys come off as clueless when dealing with it. I see it as a challenging part of life myself. But your questions are worth looking into so each month I’ll tackle your questions with my opinions. This should be interesting.

Starting at the end of January, I’ll answer question number 1, Why Do People Cheat, then we’ll move from there. How does that sound?

Why do people cheat

If anyone has a question they think should be added to the 6 month series, don’t hesitate to ask. Comment with you questions below to enter it in my review bucket and stay tuned to hear my thoughts. I’m sure many people will have the same or a similar question as yours. It’ll be highly likely I’ll write about it. In the meantime, keep reading.