Why Can’t I Look Like Beyoncé?

Hello all,

The other day, I came across some magazines, television shows, and thought about how much the western world pressures us to look like a certain image. The best example and hottest image right now is Beyoncé.  The perfect coke bottle shape, her beautiful long hair, the flawless makeup she always has on, she’s generally just a hot woman.  Now, many people say “I woke up like this,” and I applaud her for helping people feel good about themselves, but I know many people are still asking this question, “How can I look like her?” Let me just sum it up nicely, you can’t!  Beyoncé even has a song explaining how society has this “image,” and sometimes she can’t even make the cut. The image we all look up to is fake and very structured. Even the pictures of models and television characters are Photoshop.  This “image” is also unmanageable, unrealistically fake, and can cause you to hurt yourself by doing such things as, causing you to develop weight problems, messing up your life socially, creating physical and emotional scars, making you live in stress, and maybe even die. But of course, many people ignore those side effects and will still try to live in “perfection.”

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Plastic surgery and many dangerous acts to conform one’s body are starting to look more and more appealing to young adults and teenagers. This is not good. We all have heard of the stories about what happens to other people, but we really aren’t listening.  Maybe, because we don’t believe it can happen to us, or maybe it’s because many of us are set on doing something, and we won’t take no for an answer. But, what I want to do is tell you is that YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL. No surgery on this earth is going to make you feel better (I’m talking about cosmetic surgeries). Everyday there’s a new trend, and everyday something on you, or about you, is not going to be the hot thing. You must realize that! When Beyoncé came out, boobs were in, but not curves. Now, curves are in. The world’s opinion is constantly changing.

Trust me, I’ve even thought about the butt lift and getting rid of the little fat that I do have. So many others that could make me look better, but I decide not to care. You have to think about who you are. Is this really going to change you? You have to love yourself first and realize that you are you.  You are a unique individual and no one can be but you.  The makeup, hair, nails, and body doesn’t make the person. Living in a materialistic world can seem like it’s the main reason for living, being beautiful, and successful. But it’s not.  Whoever is reading this, I want you to know that someone loves you. Someone believes that you are the most beautiful person in the world!

Peace and Love,

Vonni

If you have a suggestion or question for the next topic please email me at vonnibfunny@gmail.com and check out my videos on YouTube at vonnibfunny. I might a topic about you as a video!

“But Right Now”…and Dating

Hello,

One of my biggest pet peeves now is one of Baltimore city’s many popular sayings that people commonly are caught and love to say to each other.  “But right now…” this saying is being used by women and men all over the town.  My top advice is stop using it! I believe people are using it to avoid some confrontation of some sort. Stop being afraid of hurting someone’s feelings and be truthful to one another! The truth helps everyone in the end.

Annoying Sayings

People can use the annoying saying like this, “I want a relationship, but right now, my money is low, I don’t have a car, and I am so busy.” A lot of people don’t see what’s wrong with this statement. It’s definitely something wrong there. It’s leading to the person who’s listening to it to believe not today but another day.

Or when people use it like this, “I want a serious relationship, but right now, I’m not over my ex, I’m sorry.”  Though this is a statement that could be truthful, it’s still annoying. I’m a little guilty of using this line but I’ve grown out of using it.  People who use the saying “but right now” ultimately use it to hurt someone’s heart or well-being because this saying is meant to be the protector of hurting someone but is doing the opposite and causing serious damage and/or heart breaks.  I can’t stand seeing someone deal with a situation because of a hunch or something that could be. What’s wrong with being straight forward?

The “but right now” statement opens a wide door of hunches and assumptions of things that might happen but isn’t guaranteed. Instead, what a person should be doing is meaning what they say and doing as they say.  If a person isn’t over their ex and still wants to talk to other people, why not say “I like you, but I’m just getting out of a relationship and think that we should just date at the moment and not rush anything.” The “but right now” statement complicates situations and would only lead to someone waiting to approach a person for an answer at a later date.

And that brings me to another topic “dating”…

Dating

In my opinion, dating has come to a situation where there are two people who have feelings for each other that are just waiting to for their love to explode. It should be a feeling both men and women should share but to me, men are using the “explosion” to their advantage.

Dating isn’t when a woman stays in the house and man only uses her for having sex.  Dating isn’t just “chilling” or “hanging” in the house while the man simply thinks about sex. And more commonly for men now days, dating isn’t claiming IN YOUR MIND that someone is yours and then getting upset when the woman you THINK is yours is talking to someone else. Dating is simply seeing what’s out there.  It’s when you’re talking and seeing more than one person, and it’s just dating, sex isn’t involved until later, when you are both in agreement to the terms of a relationship. While dating, you aren’t staying at each other houses until you both agree to be exclusive. Obviously there needs to be a line drawn for this generation and I just drew the line.

Many people today are crossing lines and over lapping the terms of a relationship and dating.  Dating involves going out to a venue, somewhere such as movies, or dinner, somewhere for getting to know the person.  Relationships involves sex (some of the time), titles (claiming each other-boyfriend or girlfriend), staying at each other houses and/or spending time at each other houses. Men need to stop trying out women like they’re a piece of clothing and seeing if you can overlap the rules.  Women need to stop letting this happen to them and create some standards to keep. If he doesn’t want to follow them, then he isn’t the one you should to be dealing with.  After a date, you need to go home, not to the bedroom.  Sometime in dating you do go to the other person house to meet the family, but it’s for a few hours, and again you should be getting to the exclusive stage to do that. Follow the guidelines.

Dating someone is not the same as being in a relationship.  Think about when some of these guys say, “Oh no, that’s not my girl” while the girl is saying “That’s my boyfriend, I love him.”  First off the roles aren’t defined in their relationship with each other. More than likely, he sees women as only for dating and has already overlap some of the dating and relationship rules with any woman he’s seeing while they’re seeing it as a relationship. Please listen to me. Breaking someone’s heart for popularity and for jokes is not funny. Trust me; it will come back to around.  So please keep that in mind! Draw some lines.

Peace and Love,

Vonni

Have you checked out my last advice column? Read But My Friend Told Me So on Doc’s Castle Media.

Am I a gold digger, or just a woman!?

To recognize the difference between a gold digger and a woman, we must recognize what women are  looking for. That is that women are looking for someone who can provide. I hope you looked at the word CAN provide when reading that last sentence because that’s where the emphasis lays.

First off, I would like to say, these are my opinions and my beliefs. I wanted to do a blog where people would give me feedback, and I knew this topic would get people involved a bit. So let’s begin.

Gold Digger

 

One thing that young men should realize in today’s society is that from a scientific stand point, all woman look for someone who is physically attractive,  also, if a man has things and/or money to provide for us. This is because most women look for someone to care for their babies and their family. Men look for woman who can bear their children.  Now, let’s take a look at something else than the scientific stand point. Woman that men call gold diggers are ONLY are looking for someone who is already established and not looking for ANYTHING else.  Most men today feel like all women are like that because most women DO want someone who have SOME establishment. But of course ,WE can work on some things together.  Just like men want someone to hold them down, woman want the same thing. But videos and the media sometimes makes it seem like they are gold diggers for wanting stability and establishment   If a woman is giving a man sex, cooking, staying in the house, silence, and/or working herself, and he’s just giving her sex, then she should be happy. Listen up fellas, this is television and NOT life.  Being with someone is a partnership, period.  Yes, no matter what, someone in the partnership will give more than the other at some point, but that is what we call having someone’s back. We need to find a happy medium and stop letting the media dictate how we act!   Stereotypes are forming about men and women that I cannot stand and not ALL women or men are like your ex. We have to stop letting the hurt and the previous experience explain ALL people!

So, where do you stand on this topic? Do you think all women are gold diggers or do you believe they have reasons to demand stability? Leave your comments below.

Peace and Love,

Vonni

 

Thinking about College (What should I do)

Hello,

So I know a lot of Doc’s Castle Media fans are young adults and teenagers, and recently I came up with a topic about college. When choosing and applying to a college, it can be a stressful and a very important decision in your life. The main issue here is deciding what you want to be for the rest of your life! Wow, I know at this age you’re thinking about what you should wear tomorrow. But it’s something you have to think about. To make this decision easier for you, I have a list of some things I did while pondering that hard decision of what I want to be. I can honestly say you probably will find more than one thing you want to do with your life. Luckily, they have minors for that in whatever university you attend or choose to attend. Here’s my list:

Picking A College

1.) Write down a list of the top five jobs you want to have in life (these will be your majors.)

2.) Write down a list of ten schools that have that major.

3.) Pick three main majors you choose to pursue.

4.) Pick three schools you like with those majors.

5.) Think about if you really want to pursue that major, and think of all the jobs you’d get into with a degree in that major.

6.) Look at the requirements for these majors. Do you still want to do that?

7.) If yes, than look at the schools you’ve picked and see which ones have the majors. Look at least two of the three of your choices because you might want to change them later, once you’re in college. People do that quite often.

If you don’t want to go along with those requirements, than look at the next major choice that you have in mind and continue to search.

8.) Now, think of the majors you choose and see if they can go with each other like (psychology and criminal justice).

If they do, think about maybe minoring in your second career choice.

If they don’t coincide with each other, than look at the cost of the school you picked and start researching the school.

9.) You should be at the step where you picked a career or two, along with your top school.

10.) Last step, when choosing a school you should look at cost, activities, and just information about your major there and the school.

Now, this is some of the stuff I did when I pick a school.  The big thing for me was that the school I really wanted to go to didn’t accept me.  What do you do when this happens?  Go to a community college or your second pick for a year, get some college credits under your belt and then apply again. I did this and now I’m at my dream school. My major now is psychology with a minor in creative writing because I want to give advice through writing, and also write stories. I know that picking a major right now is scary. But I’ll tell you about 85% of college students change their major over and over. This is why I said pick about three of the five you really like because you can change or even minor in one of the majors you really like. I wish I had someone telling me how to do all these things when I was going through the process. But what someone else didn’t have I think the next person should, and with that being said here you go!

Peace and Love,

Vonni

Do I Really Need Help? (First day of School Shooting)

Ok, in today’s news in Baltimore, Maryland, there has been a shooting at Perry Hall High School.  Reporters are still developing the story, but in the last year (2011-2012), there has been many counts of school shootings and stabbings in the city and counties of Baltimore.
Baltimore's First Day of School Shooting
Why is this happening? From a psychology student I say this, “it’s too many students and not enough time for each individual student.”  In my opinion, from all the test schools give the damn students, there should be a test for their well-being. Enough of me fussing. These students need someone to talk to. They need to find ways of getting their anger out instead of trying to take someone else out!

I’m happy to say that you are talking to a student in college that suffers from depression. I know it’s hard to live life at times, but there are outlets you can use to help you!  Today, I’m here to give you two main tools I use that helps me out a lot!  I hope someone reads this before they do something major that they’ll regret!

  • Write in a journal (it can be online). So many websites say this but they don’t tell you how to start a journal for yourself.  Here is how, write if you are feeling, whether it be happy, sad, depressed, suicidal, or any other emotions.  Let’s use sad as an example, you should write down why you are sad, “I’m sad because…” Then write what would make you feel better. If it is something you can do to change how you feel, do it! But if you feel like you are going to hurt yourself or someone else, call 1-800-273-TALK (8255); this is a suicide help line, and they are 24/7! They’ll talk you through anything.
  • Get a therapist. In college, it is easier to get one because most of the time they are on the campus for your use. It’s one of the services that you’ve paid for in your tuition. But even in middle and high school you may find a councilor for cheap, or even free, here is one website where you may receive therapy: http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/Learn/Therapy . Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed, there are so many people who need one-on-one time. Even if it is once or twice that you speak to a therapist, I’m sure you will feel better about any decisions you are making with their guidance!

School and dealing with people everyday is hard enough. But throw in a mental problem and I’m sure you will have people blowing so much steam it’s not even funny.  Using my two main steps should be able to help anyone no matter the age, first because they are both private, and secondly, you are releasing the tension and stress that’s being built up! We all as people need to release tension and stress, but we have to find the right outlets to do it!

If you have a question or topic you would like for me to address, send it to vonnieb905@gmail.com

Peace and Love,

Vonni

How to Avoid Bullying

Bullying has been the topic in the news a lot recently, definitely from the movie Bully. The movie has been shining some light on the issue and what goes on in schools across the nation.

A question I’ve been getting lately is how to avoid getting bully. Now, let me be honest in this day of age. Bullying is very hard to avoid but the way you handle bullying is the trick that you must know!

Celebrities get bullied by the media everyday, and they still come on the stage and performed.  Bullying is not good in any matter but it seems to happen to everyone! So don’t think that you are alone.
Bullying
Let me shine the light on myself for a moment since I’ve said it happens to everyone. One of my worst experiences with bullying happened in middle school.  I was very tall and awkward like most girls at that age, but in my family we have a problem with underarm odor. Since I was still learning about my body, I didn’t understand deodorant. Well, one day in my English class, this girl wanted to tease me about my odor and I was very upset.  With me being quiet, I didn’t say anything even though a few of my classmates were laughing.  Yes, I was embarrassed but I just let it roll off my back.  When class was over, I was packing my bags and the bully and her friend was sitting there; she decided to stand up and then spray me with air fresher.  I wanted to cry because this was very cruel. But I didn’t want to show that they got to me, so I just cried on the inside and went to my next class.

Now, this is the first time I’m telling this story. No one should have to go through this! Bullying is wrong, and the people who are thinking of bullying don’t do it! Bullying causes physical, emotional and psychological pain!

From me to you, to avoid bullying don’t try too hard to fit in. People can tell when people are trying too hard to fit in. When you find friends, don’t try to make too many of them. Again, this is trying too hard! Be yourself and don’t get pressured! Being yourself maybe hard because you are trying to make friends. But when people see that you may be weak, they will use that against you. Take pride in yourself and use that to get people to like you.  One thing that many people have told me is that I’m a geek. What I say to them is “Yes, I’m a geek, but I’ll get good grades and pass these classes while you are still here.”  With that being said, have a sharp tongue, but ONLY when you need to use it.  I can go on and on with some of the tips I have learned over the years, but these few should help you get by!

If you want me to give you advice on a topic, or have a question; please send me an email to vonnieb905@gmail.com

Peace and Love,

Vonni

How Can I Get Comfortable Around New People

Ok, this was a suggestion from my Facebook page! How do you become comfortable around new people? Since I’m an extremely shy person, I will give you some tips about how I do it.  I have been shy all my life and since I am older, I can say my shyness isn’t as bad as it was but, believe me, it’s still there.  From walking up to a guy to get his number to asking direction to a totally stranger, I was shy all around.
Becoming comfortable around new people
In my opinion shyness steams off of self-esteem, but that’s not all of why you are shy. I know people who have high self-esteem and are very shy, and vice versa. But how can you overcome this and get comfortable around new people?  I have 3 main tips, and trust me, it has helped me a lot following these 3 tips! They are as follows:

1) Feel the new people you want to hang around out, meaning try to see if we have some things in common, because people are mostly judging someone before we even know the person. That may come off as not right to do.

2) Make your first two conversations light. If you start talking to them, you will feel more comfortable around them.  Don’t talk about big subjects like politics, sports, or sex because that is uncomfortable for a lot of people, and it starts a lot of arguments.

3) Once you found something that you both have in common, keep talking about that.  This is one of the best ways to keep the conversation going and it breaks the ice.  I have built friendships while using this tip. Elaborating more on this tip, if you both like lip gloss, talk about that and then bring in other makeup in your conversation. See if you both like it.  This can lead to you going out to your favorite make up store together.

I hope these tips help you because they have helped me a lot! If you have something you like for me to talk about, or a question you want me to answer send me an email at vonnieb905@gmail.com

Peace and Love,

Vonni