Alissa Feré Takes It To The Field For The Release of 2015 Mixtape “Songs From Da Dugout”

As an insider for the release of my 2015 mixtape Songs From Da Dugout, I decided to give my readers a few snapshots to look at while they wait for my project to drop next month.

wpid-received_10153046758228680.jpeg

I decided to get a little creative for this release. I thought Why should I leave you guys with only an expected date for my project? I should give you a little more, and maybe some more background to what to look forward to. So I partnered up with my favorite photographer/blogger to give something extra as we wait for my dropping day.

Songs From Da Dugout is a representation of my emotions. Often I feel I’m left in limbo on a lot of issues when I’m dealing with guys. I think lots of women can relate. It can feel like I’m sitting in a dugout waiting to be called on for the next play. It can get restless waiting on these guys, and they should know that I don’t wait very long for my moment.

Women have so many questions that could be left unanswered while waiting on their next call in a partnership; there’s so many expectations that should be fulfilled on the behalf of the man that aren’t met in relationships. I relate to those women because when someone’s left in the dugout, how is anyone expected to win the game? How is anyone expected to conquer the battle?

These brothers got us yelling to the coach like, “Come on. Call me, coach! I’m ready to play.”

The photo shoot was conducted by Briana Ragler of Rebellious Rebel, also known as hip-hop artist Boutzie’. She did a great job. What do you think?

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Look out for “Songs From Da Dugout” dropping in March 2015!

Have you heard “Pleasant Nightmares,” single from 2015 tape Songs From Da Dugout? Check out “Alissa Feré Releases Title & Promo Art For Spring 2015 Project” on Doc’s Castle Media.

Watch behind the scenes of my photo shoot via Briana’s Blog, Rebellious Rebel.

Relating to Relationships 1: When You’re Meant To Be Married…

Are you pondering the same question that I’ve been questioning myself since the beginning of last year? At this point of our lives, we should have all taken the moment to analyze our current relationships. I mean, we aren’t getting any younger. I’m turning 23 soon!  If we’re seeking to be married sometime in our future, shouldn’t we be more serious about how we choose our partners?

Love

I’ve thought of all my relationships throughout my life and I really wonder where I’m headed. Am I the only one who thinks that I’ve never progressed to a love life worth taking to marriage? I don’t want to seem like I’m worried about the wrong things. But I’ve been analyzing my relationships so much lately that it’s gotten to the point that I choose to not think about it after certain periods of the day. I’m looking forward to starting a career, a life, and a family soon. But with the dudes I’ve been dealing with my entire life, I’ve never met anyone I felt is worthy of husband title. I’ve even found myself questioning is there a such thing as true love anymore with this country’s divorce rate being ridiculously high? Is true love even real?

True Love

I’m certain I’m not the only person feeling this way because there are many people in the same boat as me, especially on these social media sites we so often post on. We’re all trying to figure out what’s the perfect love. We’re all hoping to find the perfect companion who’ll whisk us away to our future. If you’re not looking for that, you’re fooling yourself because everyone wants to feel loved.

I wanted to write a blog dedicated to addressing the question, “Am I meant to be married?” On Seth Adam Smith’s personal blog-site, he recently addressed that question. He talked of when he questioned marrying his wife. Seth expressed at one point of his engagement to his wife he felt unsure if he was meant to be married because he was unsure if she was right for him. When he asked his father about his feelings towards the subject, his father immediately told him he was being selfish about how he chooses to marry someone.

In Seth’s article, we’re told that when searching to marry someone, you’re not choosing to marry for yourself. You’re choosing to marry for the person you’re marrying, other people around you, and people who’ll be in your future. Seth, in his article, makes it seem like love and marriage isn’t meant for you at all. Though it sounds pretty crazy for someone to say love isn’t meant for you and it’s for who you want to marry, I agree with the guy. But I don’t like it and I’m going to say why I cannot understand how this plays out this way in the real world, though it will always be this way.

  • I’m simply selfish.
    I really don’t understand how to know if someone’s for me because I’m selfish just like Seth. There are times when I don’t want to sacrifice. I haven’t found a person to sacrifice for. Is sacrifice a two way streak? Are we suppose to both sacrifice for each other, or will it work like if I truly love someone, I won’t be looking for favors? I’m the type that searches for equality. If my partner isn’t offering the same as me, why are we even talking? See, I’m selfish.
  • Love is already hard to define.
    How do you know what true love is when you love so many people differently? The love you have for your mother, best friend, and boyfriend are all so different. Do I based the love from my boyfriend as love similar to my best friend? I know my best friend would jump in front of a bullet for me. She’d literally risk her life for me. Would I use instances like that as a basis for understanding true love from my soulmate?
  • So is Seth’s dad saying that anyone who’s cool with my family and friends is who I ultimately could be happy with?
    That’s some bs! I’ve met people that have long term relationships with others and their family can’t stand who they’re with. So marrying someone for the sack of your family is absurd. There’s no selfishness in that at all! You’ve basically given your marriage away if you base your marriage on that.
  • What about that fire bond you have for someone?
    Do we just ignore that type of love? Does it exist? Does it not? I mean it has to exist for those people who stay married for years. Did that feeling develop over time or was it there from the start? I guess that feeling is something that helps people choose when to not to be selfish.

You must be selfless to truly love someone.

I did not come across all these statements alone but with the help of others while questioning them about how they viewed love. As I asked people if they believe they must be selfless in order to love someone, I found that those who answered yes understood how love operates. Those very few people also had long lasting relationships at some point in their lives. I’m not saying that people who don’t believe in the statement, don’t have lasting relationships. I’m actually asking if it doesn’t, how do you stay committed to someone so long if you don’t believe it?

20140214-091358.jpg

Love absolutely requires sacrifice for someone else but that sacrifice is for your soulmate, no one else is included in that except GOD. So the only thing I’m not agreeing with in Seth’s article is what his dad states about it being for his surrounding family. Marriage is not for the people around me. It’s for my husband, myself, and God. If God blesses me with someone special, I’ll know because he’ll put God first. That’s how you’ll know if you’re meant for marriage. If someone puts God first, they’ll care about their future, people around them, and whoever they’re going to marry. You’re really marrying for God because with him, you experience love. He gives you the experience of selflessness and that’s what’s needed for sacrifice. Sacrifice is what’s needed for an outstanding love. So to put it in simpler terms, when you seek God, knowing if your meant for marriage will eventually reveal itself. In my case, I’m still building on that. I’m still selfish. But I’m halfway there if I can sit here and write this for you to read. If you understand, you’re almost there too.

Seek God and it’ll come! Would you agree? Leave your comments below.

To read my last opinion essay, see What I Really Learned While In College on Doc’s Castle Media.

Twitter Logic is Why It’s too Hard to Say “I Love You”

I woke up this morning with a thought on my mind of so many wonders I have for my kind (by my kind, I mean my generation.) WTF are we doing relationship wise?!

Like really, I woke up this morning with the thought of why it’s so hard to say “I love you” to the person you care so deeply for? I know of a lot of people who usually don’t struggle to say this phrase. But there is a range of folks that do have an issue just thinking about the phrase. I never understood why it was so hard for some people to say this. Not until recently, I learn that it could be a struggle deciphering whether this phrase should be used at all.

keep-calm-i-love-you-879

See, I don’t normally write about stuff like this but today is different. Today, I want to be a little more open with my readers and let them know how difficult it is to be a young adult, though adults swear otherwise. Sometimes I cannot see how older adults can’t understand how a 20 something year old love life could be. It’s so confusing at times.

20 years old
Being a 22-year-old in the year 2013 is definitely not the same as other generations when they’ve reached 22. It’s sick to even think to compare my generation to any other. We may have been through the same situations, but I have to remind y’all there is a definition between our time periods. Technology alone is what makes love so hard these days! Everything a person does is put online for the world to know. There isn’t any privacy. That’s the major problem for people in there 20’s because love is meant for two people, not your entire friends list on all your social media!

How do people know if love is real when its being publicized to people who could care less if you found love in a hopeless place or not? Love is supposed to be sacred. My generation doesn’t know what sacred is. So when we pose the question “why is it so hard to say ‘I love You’,” we end up with people coming up with reasons like people sleep around too much, people don’t respect me, people are phony, and etc. etc.. What’s crazy is these reasons come from “Twitter Logic.”

twitter_bird

Twitter Logic isn’t subjected to mainly Twitter. It’s just a name for people’s logic that’s posted on a social media as a their latest status update. You can find Twitter Logic on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and even YouTube. It’s simply someone’s logic for how they choose to live their life, except its considered “Twitter Logic” and not logic because it’s been publicized online like it’s THE way of life.

Let me remind you, what one person decides to do in their love life isn’t for everyone. Everyone is their own person. We all are attracted to different people, we like to do different things, we like to interact differently with other people. But with “Twitter Logic,” what one person says, other people may agree with and if many agree, then multiple people agree with it. So what Twitter Logic really gives us is something called “group think,” where everyone agrees on the same thing because multiple people agree on same thing. You know what that means? When so many people agree, it must be right.

Well, what if someone posted a status online about their relationship. I know you’ve seen it. A person you’re following on Twitter says:

“I don’t date light-skinned girls because they don’t text back fast enough.”

Twenty people retweet this person in agreement to what they’ve said. So twenty people agree that they don’t date light-skinned girls because they text slow. First off, why does 20 people choose not to date a person because they text slow? Secondly, when did the color of someone skin determined if they text slow? Lastly, what happened to all the other factors that come into pursuing a relationship with someone? Your Twitter Logic blinkers should be going off when it becomes disrespectful because why does what one person say about a light-skinned person make the statement true?  All those retweets make those 20 people look extremely ignorant when searching for someone to love.

You see how dumb twitter logic can be? Now, think how this happens everyday with almost the same post being released just with different wording. You have millions of people posting things like this and we’re wondering why we have so many people pondering why its hard to say “I love you.” Imagine telling someone you loved them on Twitter and people disagreed with it.

boom

Twitter Logic is posted for the public’s approval. As much as people may post that they don’t care about what another person thinks of them, if you’re active on social media, you’re lying. We live for attention on social media because our page is all about us! When you post a picture on Instagram, you’re not posting for the hell of it. You’re posting for that double tap. It’s okay to want to be notice. It’s quite natural. But to be posting rude comments about how to approach your love life is a whole other deal.

relationship

Romantic relationships should always be between two lovers and not a school of nosy followers. In this sick twisted world, people are secretly plotting for the demise of a happy relationship because they are unhappy with whatever is going on in their lives and want the same for everyone else. Make sure your Twitter Logic doesn’t coincide with what they’re looking for, which is the approval of what they believe through your social media posts. Then maybe it wouldn’t be so hard for people to simplylove one another and tell each other “I love you.”

But that’s my October Rant. I hoped I’ve made it clearer for how I think about this stuff. Do you agree with what I’ve said? Leave your comments below.

Check out more of my opinion essays on Doc’s Castle Media.